Five Things No One Would Ever Say to Me

1. You must join our math club.
2. “How do you walk in those heels?”
3. You shop too much.
4. Please sing your karaoke version of “Rivers of Babylon.”
5. How do you want your steak cooked?

Five Things I Like

1. New running shoes.
2. Abandoned shacks in fields.
3. Busy cities with galleries and theatres.
4. Quiet places with birds and whales.
5. Gerbera daisies.

Five Dislikes

1. All instruction manuals.
2. Gross generalizations.
3. Anonymous comments.
4. Decaf.
5. Ironing.

My Five Karaoke Songs (actual or ideal)

1. “My Sharona,” The Knack
2. “Rivers of Babylon,” Boney M
3. “Someday,” Steve Earle
4. “Debaser,” The Pixies
5. Anything by The Weakerthans